My Monster
by Dawn of Chaos
Summary: I want to live, I want to die. I want to be normal, I want to kill. I'm getting pushed into that cage, I'm breaking out of that cage. I can't be stopped, no one will stop me. My Monster ... he's getting out. I'm getting out.


My hands are steady as they hang at my sides, crimsons dripping from my fingertips and down onto the cement. The heatwave swamping the city makes me sick but the adrenaline keeps it at bay, keeps me thinking about the blood pooling at my feet. My boots don't touch it, I'm not the stupid, the Monster inside of me isn't that stupid. When it makes a mess, I clean it up. It's how it goes, how it's always gone. ...And it's worked perfectly so far.

I cast my golden eyes away from the mutilated man at my feet and up to the moon that sits high in the sky. I keep my fingers clutched around the handle of the knife, my gun already tucked securely behind my back in its holster. I scan the scene once more and make sure that I'm leaving no trail of evidence behind. Satisfied, I turn on my heel and begin walking down one of the many side alleys.

I don't kill because I like it.

_I do._

I don't like the feel of blood on my hands.

_I do._

I can't stop it. I may have caged it all these years, but it's getting out inch by inch and I'm slowly losing all control that I have over it. I should seek help, but that would be admitting that I've given up on trying to save myself. I'd be putting the love I want to protect to the side and never looking at it again. I'd be locked away in a small room with no light.

_I deserve it. I've killed so many people, so many strays and so many workers._

My pace quickens into a run as I dodge past garbage cans and the rare wandering person. All I can do is run and hope I can get home in time, in time to see his face before I lose the rest of the calm facade and end up stuck as this Monster.

_You want to be me. Everyone wants to be me; to have the guts to take someone's life._

I'm devolving.

_I'm evolving_.

The streetlights shine down on the road as I run down it and to the house that I share with him. I don't stop, can't stop. I fling the door open and skid into the living room, my long cerulean hair sticking to the sides of my face and nape of my neck. That clammy feeling flushes over my now ashen skin as he looks up at me, amber eyes surprised even as his brow furrows with concern.

"Isa what's going on?"

"_The name's Saix now fool."_

"Xemnas … I … killed someone." His eyes travel to my hands that now tremble, causing the knife to drop to the ground with a dull thud. He stands up from his spot on the black couch, setting his book aside on the table. "I did it for you."

"_I did it for you."_

Ripples of fear shudder through my body as I drop to my knees, hands coming up to cup my face, smearing blood over my pale skin. Bare tan feet peek into obscured vision, followed by dark jeans and a gray t-shirt. Large hands grip at my shoulders before one hand leaves to peel away my own hands from my face, tilting my chin up so I can look into his dark golden eyes. Silver hair layers down to his shoulders, short stray locks falling to the sides of his sharp face. "Who did you kill Isa?"

"Even."

"_Vexen."_

Xemnas stands me up, strong arms guiding me down the hall on my wobbly legs. He takes me into the bathroom and peels off my jeans and long-sleeved shirt, sitting me in the shower and letting the lukewarm water pelt down on my bare skin. "Are you going to turn me in?"

"_I'll kill you if you turn me in."_

Xemnas ignores me for the moment, simply continues to grab out towels and wash cloths. He hands one to be and I use it to get the blood off my fingers. "At least you were smart enough not to step in any of it." He says as he leans against the door frame, watching me sit there almost in a transfixed state. It's because the Monster is so close to breaking free again; the lock shaking and key coming up to unlock it. "Finish up and meet me back in the living room."

I stare down at the drain as the pink tinted water swirls down it, confused and worried about what he's going to do. I need help and I need someone to save me. I'm sinking down and this Monster is rising up. It scratches on the walls of my mind and bares its razor sharp teeth at me. I can't hide any longer and I'm trapped in a corner watching the Monster slowly break out of its cage.

"Isa, hurry up." comes his call from the living room.

I reach up and turn the knobs off, the water trickling down the wall as I grab at a towel. Once the beads of water are all dried off I step over the lip of the shower and stand there stilled, not even knowing when Xemnas had had the time to go grab me clothes. Nonetheless, I step into the gray sweats and white t-shirt before drying my hair the best I can and walking out, heading to the living room where he called me from.

Xemnas sits on the couch, holding a rag as he drags my blade over it, wiping every speck of crimson from it. I hesitantly stride over and sit beside him, as close as I used to before this Monster started to tear me to shreds from the inside out. He sets the knife wrapped in the rag onto the coffee table before casting his eyes over at me. "You really killed my colleagues? All of the ones that have gone missing were you?"

"Yes."

"_Yes."_

A particularly terrifying smirk curls Xemnas' lips as he presses them against mine. "Good, I couldn't have asked any better." Those words seem to turn the key to the Monster's cage the other way, locking it tight and causing the Monster to growl and sulk. But I find my own heart fluttering softly, more than happy that he's pleased with what the Monster has been making me do. "You'll just be my little monster, won't you Isa?"

I fall into the comfort of his strong arms, his cheek pressed against the side of my head and suddenly I'm comfortable, just like back when we were kids and he would hold me just like this, telling me sweet nothings and beautiful promises. "Only for you."

_"Only for you."_

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

_Obviously italics are the monster (a.k.a Saix). I could sooo see these two, killing partners. ^^; Maybe I should ease up on the crime dramas. Yeah that could be it. Too much Criminal Minds. xD  
>Nonetheless, I used the concept that there's monsters in everyone, just beneath the surface. Which is why when Isa says Even, Saix says Vexen. But as well as the fact that Xemnas is a monster through and through. Confusing? I hope not. But if it is~ Sorry I got complicated on you all, all of a sudden.<em>

_Enjoy~ _


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